Come and Gone

Well, as most of you know my due date was August 19th... it's now August 22nd :) and I still have a baby in my belly. Now I know all of the "first babies are always late" fact/myth (you choose) that people keep telling me. Well let me say that 4 women that I knew that were due around the same time I was all had their babies early... and they were all first babies. When I think back to most of my friends that have had babies, most of them were also either on their due date or early. So I would prefer not to hear "first babies are always late." I understand that some babies are late, and now that I've made it past my due date I'm dealing with it.

I think the last two weeks of my pregnancy were the hardest for me to get through, just the unknown. Jeremy and I are so anxious to meet our little girl that it takes a toll on me thinking what can I do to get her out... I know there are things that are supposed to help get things going, but in reality, she'll come when she's ready, or she'll come when the doctor says it's time to get her out.

I know Jeremy in particular is so ready to meet our little girl. Recently a friend asked us what we were most looking forward to about being parents, and Jeremy's response is something I will never forget. He said he's just ready to be part of her life. Since he can't really do much right now (other than console me when my emotions run haywire) he's ready to help me and try to take some of that stress away from me that I've been dealing with for 9 months. It was such a genuine and loving answer that I will never forget. He has been so amazing during this pregnancy and I can't wait to see him hold his little girl for the first time!

All that to say, I'm still here and Paige is still with me :)

Hanging in There

I feel like I should wear a sign around my neck at work that says either "I'm here or Hanging in There." That is my response everyday when someone asks me how I am doing. It's not to be rude, it's just how I feel right now. I'm starting to get emotionally drained because I am ready to have a daughter (at what point does it stop feeling weird to say "daughter") in my arms. I'm ready to love her!

If I seem like I am in a bad mood all the time, I apologize... Most of the time it's probably because I'm tired (which I know won't change for a long time)... but part of the time it's because I just get tired of the waiting... And yes, again I know "It will all be worth it."

Anyway... I'm here and hanging in there...

Relaxed

Surprisingly I feel almost completely relaxed and ready to have this baby! A lot of that has been thanks to my awesome husband! He is so ready for her to be here and he has done everything to help me be prepared! He is so great, I haven't really been in much of a cooking mood for the last couple of months so he has been a heavy majority of the cooking! He also cleaned the carpets for me, and when we bought a curtain and rod for Paige's room he put it up that night! I honestly can't think of anything else that we need in our house to prepare for her arrival! Our awesome neighbor gave us their old swing because their kids are too big for it now and I've recently acquired a glider and ottoman from a co-worker!

I also feel relaxed at work. Monday and Tuesday were so productive, I came into this week feeling like I had so many "loose ends" to tie up before I left. I wanted to make sure my desk was in order, that there wasn't any paperwork in my drawer that only I would know why it was in there, making sure all my Research Assistants knew who to report while I was gone, and making sure the other Coordinator helping me out during my leave knew what they were supposed to be working on. The doctor that I primarily work for is on vacation until August 8th, so I really wanted to make sure I had things in order before she left today.

Anyway... all that to say, I love how I feel right now, that at any day my little girl could come into this world and I would be just fine with that! Normally I am a huge procrastinator so this feeling is a little different for me!

5 Weeks...

Wow... it's so hard to believe that in approximately 5 weeks we will have a little girl in our arms! I'm starting to feel slightly overwhelmed about what is to come, but try to remain calm because I know that God would not have blessed us with this baby if He did not think we were ready.

I still feel like there is so much to get ready but when I try to make a list of things to do it comes up as a pretty short list: 1) Get car seat installed/inspected; 2)Pack hospital bag 3)Clean carpets in the house (Jeremy's task). When people ask if we are ready I usually say Yes, because I'm thinking I'm ready to have this little girl at home. However, what I am not ready for is having her... With each passing day I get a little more nervous/anxious about the labor part. What if I'm not strong enough, what if something goes wrong... all questions that I have no control over so I need to stop worrying about them! I am strong enough with God's strength... if something goes wrong, I know that God is in control.

I feel like I have educated myself enough to know what to expect during the stages of Labor, I think I'm just nervous about how I'm going to handle them. But I am so thankful for an amazing husband who will be there with me every second to help me through! One book I just finished going through is called Better Birth. The author talks about "the power of positive thinking" which normally I think is pretty hokey and everything... but what she wrote about makes sense. It's about how our bodies and hormones respond to how we are feeling and if we have negative thoughts or attitudes it prohibits certain hormones from being released which can delay or stop labor. So that is one thing I am trying to focus on.

Just a few more weeks....

My first unscheduled Doctor visit

Yesterday I made my first unscheduled doctor's visit... I'll start by saying everything is just fine, Paige and I are doing well... here's the short story:

On Tuesday I hadn't felt my little girl being as active as she normally is which kind of worried me, I wasn't really able to focus on work too much and was more focused on my belly and trying to feel something or watch it move. I finally felt a few kicks that afternoon and more after dinner and ice cream (she likes ice cream :) ).

Yesterday I felt her moving in the morning, but only a few times, and then I didn't feel anything again all afternoon! So I wasn't focusing on work at all and ended up leaving a little early thinking, oh maybe if I just got home and lay down I'll feel her some more. But then I knew that I didn't want to wait another day before calling the doctor. I called the doctor's office when I got in the car (while trying to cry because I'm getting very emotional at this point) and explained to the Medical Assistant what was going on. She gave me the option of going home and drinking something with sugar in it and then laying down on my left side to start kick counts, I thought well I could do that but what time does the office close... if I don't feel anything and you guys are closed I really don't want to make a trip to the hospital. So then she was very nice (I think she knew I was freaking out a little bit) and offered for the NP to see me at the office and I said I'll be there as soon as I can.

I called Jeremy after that phone call and of course I couldn't hold back the crying at that point, he was still asleep so I did wake him up but I didn't want him to wake up later when I'm supposed to be home and not know where I was. Unfortunately he didn't get back to sleep because he was worried about me (I didn't want him driving to the office with me because I think I knew everything was okay and I felt like if he came with me it would make me more on edge... not sure if that makes sense).

So onto the doctor's office... well once there I got my first experience with the "non-stress test." Oh boy that was fun... let me tell you this little girl is stubborn! It took forever for the fetal monitor to pick up and hold her heart beat, I even ended up having to press down on it the whole time because it kept losing the beat (not that the beat wasn't there... it may have been the machine, I don't know). And she had hiccups which was kind of cute but annoying because i didn't know if I was supposed to count those as movements and press the little button! Well after a while she finally started moving and all in all everything is fine, her little heart rate when sky high with movement!

I knew that if I hadn't gone to the doctor yesterday I would have been worried about her all night and all day again today. Turns out another thing that I hadn't heard yet was that as she gets bigger it gets harder for me to feel the movements... which I didn't expect, I thought oh the bigger she gets the more she will kick because she wants more room... not this kid apparently. Although last night I think she was mad at me for going to the doctor because she gave me a few hard kicks, but I loved every single one of them! :)

So much for a "short" story!

Besties...

One year ago this weekend I was with my 3 best girlfriends in St. Louis! We had a great time and hadn't been together just for a relaxing weekend in a long time! We were all in each others weddings over the last 4 years but it hadn't been just the 4 of us for a long time! Going into the weekend I knew that 2 of them were pregnant, one was about 6 1/2 months along and the other was about 4 months along (if I remember correctly!). I knew the 3rd was about to be pregnant soon and of course she announced to us that weekend that she was pregnant as well! :)

I can't lie and say that I was thrilled to be rooming with 3 pregnant women for a weekend, now I'm not saying that I wasn't super excited for all 3 of them, it was just a difficult time for me at first. As the weekend went I realized how awesome these women are and how lucky their kids will be to have them as mothers! I'm glad I was the last to get pregnant... now I have 3 amazing sources to turn to :). I do find it rather amusing that all 4 of us will have had a baby within a year of each other! (Well, one already has a beautiful 4 year old, she was already onto kid #2, but she was also the first to get married!)

I love those girls dearly and cherish the small amount of time we get to see other throughout the years... I think it will be a while before we get a "girls" weekend only again!

I think that weekend last year was really the start of a breakthrough for me.



Jeremy and I hadn't fully discussed when exactly we wanted to have kids. We knew we wanted kids but it was more of a "if it happens, it happens, if it doesn't, it doesn't." And I kept telling myself I was okay with that. It wasn't until October after the Faith Women's retreat (when I again roomed with 3 pregnant women, not the same ones, but 3 of my very close friends that live here in Indy) with my church that I truly gave my desire to be pregnant up to God. I knew that I couldn't do it anymore, that I had to trust Him that it would come in His timing. And of course, 2 months later, God's timing came. I still remember that night like it was yesterday, all the emotions that went through me after seeing the faint 2nd line on that stick!

All this to say I can't believe in 8 weeks (or when she decides to come out!) that I will be holding a beautiful little girl in my arms!!

31 Weeks!!

Oops... so once again I'm not so good at this blogging business!!

Wow, I can't believe there are only 9 weeks (give or take) left until I meet my baby girl!!! Right now I am way more excited than I am nervous or scared about anything! This week she has been like a whole new baby just bouncing around inside my belly which is such a great feeling! She was so quite at first and it made me nervous so many times, but I love feeling her move around (except when I have to use the restroom and she's using my bladder as a punching bag!).

The doctor's visits have been going great and we are going every 2 weeks now. I have the next 3 appointments made and then it's weekly after that!! I really thought that by this point I would be freaking out about labor and giving birth, but I'm just so excited. Jeremy plays such a big role in that because he keeps telling me how excited he is to meet Paige! I love that he is so excited to be a dad and I know he's going to be a great one!

We had our first baby shower last week at work and I felt so blessed and was overwhelmed by the gifts my co-workers gave us! I have another one in Huntington tomorrow and one in Indianapolis the following weekend! Then July will be a busy month of finishing up the nursery and getting the things that we still need! Then August will be here!!!! :)