9 days...

The past 9 days have been the most exciting, tiring, and trying days of my life... And I am loving (almost) every minute of it!! I can't lie and say that I have loved every minute of it... There are those few times when I feel overwhelmed and I'm still feeling some pain! I'll start with the pain... I know everyone said that breastfeeding would be hard and I've found that it is, which I was expected. I met with 3 different lactation consultants in the 3 days I was in the hospital and I feel like they all gave me conflicting advice, as well as my pediatrician! I am still having some problems with it and as of today until I can get some more help we are going to start using bottles (with breastmilk - I've already got a short supply of milk from pumping and I will continue to pump). Jeremy gave Paige a bottle today and it worked great, it was a huge relief for me as I was almost in tears with every feeding! The pediatrician mentioned that since we already had a supply stored up we could start introducing a bottle at any time. Now don't get me wrong, I loved feeding my daughter and spending that time with her, but it was too the point where I was almost dreading feedings because I was hurting so bad. We may try again but for now I'm getting relief by giving her a bottle and pumping afterwards! The other pain is still the pain of the recovery... For the most part I feel pretty good, I'm not taking too many of my pain pills, trying to keep it to 1-2 a day. I still feel tightness around the incision area and when I laugh or cough it feels like I'm about to split open! Overall though I think the recovery process is going well. I'm still not allowed to drive or lift heavy things for another week, but Jeremy has been amazing helping out! As far as the whole "your body is preparing you" that people say during pregnancy when you complain about not sleeping well.. That's ridiculous! My body is not prepared... When you are pregnant and not sleeping, you get up, go to bathroom, and most of the time fall right back asleep... With a little baby, you get up, feed her for like 15-30 minutes, then have to change her, quite her, and lay her back down hoping she goes to sleep right away. I would definitely say the lack of sleep during pregnancy did not prepare me for what was to come! With all that said... Let me emphasize this... I absolutely, positively LOVE and adore my little girl!! I love holding her and watching her as much as I can! I love it when her eyes are open and shes just staring back at me (or staring at whatever catches her eye!), I love her little sneezes, I love her hiccups (even though she probably doesn't), I love having her lay on my chest while she takes a nap, heck, sometimes I even like changing her :)!! I'm so excited for that first smile to come!! Sometimes when others are holding her I get a little bit jealous!! God has given us such a huge blessing and I am so thankful that He chose us to be her parents!!! I'm loving being a mother to this little girl and a smile comes to my face every time I see her.